many many years ago, i was asked by my (first) office to go on a religious trip. not literally, but then it was one of those spiritual seminars which lasted five days. all paid of course. and by the way, that visit was my one and only visit to kodaikanal. i still wonder whether the place is beautiful.

there were around 30 of them. all excited and optimistic about the whole thing and how it was soon going to change their lives forever. me, of course, was still trying to figure out why i was selected. i was living a peaceful life anyway. i used to wake up religiously when the sun was perpenducularly shining above me. always had lunch before going to office. used to hit office around 2 pm and stayed there till 10 pm then rushed back home. i thought that was a healthy routine. not so, according to the routine that was laid out by the new guru.

the plan was to reach kodaikanal by train. the whole group was there at the station, all gathered up. they all were from, let me say, different walks of life. students. soon-to-be-married-girls. housewives. working women. working men. salesmen. future politians. i reached there on time. we all got inside the compartment and started introducing ourselves. i was really interested in making friends fast because i wanted someone to wake me up when we reached the station early next morning. you see, you have to get off at some odd small station that also around 5:30 in the morning. and the train stops there only for 2 mins.

i did fine alright. was woken up. i teared open my sleepy eyes and looked out the window. saw that the train was slowly stopping. i could see the platform. the sales-guy who slept on the upper berth also saw the platform. so, slowly both of us started wrapping the bed sheet. an elderly tamilian uttered something which sounded like "idiots". i don't know tamil much so, i dont know. wish he had expressed his feelings in spanish. not that i know spanish but atleast they say - "idoita!". i think.

anyway, we finished packing and the train was still pacing slowly. only when we reached the door we realised that the train was actually moving away from the platform. far away i saw our soon-to-go-spiritually-high-bunch wildly waving us to jump. and we did. there was no other go. pulling the chain would have looked ridiculous.

after we regrouped we went to one of the hotels. it had cottages which spread around the huge compound and a cottage per group was assigned. i got stuck with three men from tuticurin or one of those small towns. i don' t remember but they were most of the time busy clicking pictures standing next to the flowers or holding one. my luck.

the phone rang and we were informed that we have to gather at the hall at 6:30. it was early morning and of course, who can deny the call of mother nature. i went in the toilet and didn't see the toilet paper. so, i dialled the reception number and asked them to send the toilet paper. they said - "sure sir." talking about the toilet paper, i was once talking to my friend and he said, "you know, i can't go to the loo without the paper" i immediately agreed and was relieved that i wasn't the only one sounding ridiculously demanding. later, i realised he was referring to the newspaper.

anyway, as i waited for the delivery of the toilet paper the pressure started building up. 10 mins had already passed. i picked up the phone again and reminded them. another 15 mins passed. i was fuming now. from both ends, mind you.

i ran out of the room, ran through the garden, climbed the stairs and went to the reception to complain. they said that the hotel was suppose to provide only the food and accomodation and everything extra will have to be paid by the occupant.

luckily for me, they had the provisional store inside the hotel. as i stood in front of the shop, now more impatiently, making those small jumps to wrap-in the pressure, i asked the girl for a toilet paper and pointed at the shelf in case she missed the whole point. the girl evidently went red and shyly opened the shelf and handed something that was lying close to the toilet paper. a box of condoms.

talk about communication problem. i was red nevertheless. she must have thought i was really desperate. anyway, after finally convincing her that i wanted the toilet paper instead and not the condoms, i ran back to my hotel room. not surprisingly, i was the last one to arrive at the hall.

the discourses went on for long hours. everyday it started sharply at 6:30 am and would end only around 11 pm or later. i have never let so many words fly in and out of my ears in such a small time frame. we did have breaks for breakfast, lunch, tiffin and dinner though.

we did learn few things. we were taught to recognise and respect the beauty in nature and amongst us. we had to go the garden, hold a leaf or a grass or a tree and say - "i see divinity in you. i respect you." and then bow down. i thought "what the heck" and told the toads the same thing. they croaked back. all true.

as the days progressed, we moved up from the plants and the grasses and had to do the same thing with humans or other participants. that was the tough part because the women and girls only hugged each others and hugging men in one of the presumed most beautiful and romantic places in india was something i didn't want to do. i survived the day, somehow.

the last day was even tougher. this time we had to hold the other person's hand, look into his/her eyes and say - "you are beautiful." and then 'embrace' them. i kept running around only to be met by this guy who came in front of me unpronounced, with his arms wide open. i had no other option. he held my hands. he looked straight into my eyes and with sincerity said - "you are beautiful." i burst into laughter. held him quickly and told him - "so are you." not quite the proudest moment of my life.

finally, the seminar got over on a 'high' note. i was mentally and physically tired by then and not to mention spiritually confused. we were never allowed to go out of the hotel compound so, i still don't know how kodaikanal looks like. someday, i plan to go there again with somebody else and see the beauty, respect it and convey it in a completely different fashion. the hotel better have the condoms then.